Debi is Giving Up Men...

OK, not really... but God has taken me on a new and exciting journey the past three weeks.

A few months ago, I would have told you that I never wanted to get married. NEVER. Never was I going to be vulnerable to another man. Even having a boyfriend was debatable. Luckily, God did a work to change my heart. but that's a blog for another day.

About three weeks ago, in a brief convo with God, I was wondering what this change of heart meant. Did He change my heart because this mystery man was around the corner? He surely hadn't shown up, so why all the work with changing my heart in the first place? I've never been one that was "waiting" on a husband, so all this was new to me.

When I allowed myself to ask the honest questions, I got the honest answer. (For me, I usually know the answer, I just tuck it neatly in the bottom drawer of my mind under praying for humility and patience.) The answer was simple. God wasn't done with me as a single woman. That's all.

As I ventured this question and new desire to live my single life to the fullest, I had some new revelations. (All these light bulbs could have lit downtown Houston.) Living my single life to the fullest contained three parts (Yes, I'm organizing it.)

1. The first one was obvious to me. As a single woman in my mid-20s (did I really just say that!), I have the opportunity, time, and a somewhat-disposable income to use when and where I want. It's easy for me to get up and go and do whatever God calls me to do with my "free time." This seems kind of fun and exciting!

2. The second and third came as a surprise to me. Second, God wanted me to see Him as all sufficient. It's so easy for us as women to get wrapped up in a man and make him our "main man." This single life gives me the opportunity to fully rely on God as the "main man" in my life. In actuality, it doesn't matter at what stage we are in our lives, He is always our "main man."

We as women need to stop waiting for that soap-opera or fairytale man. No man is perfect! We aren't perfect, so why would we expect them to be so? Relying on God as our "main man" allows us to take men off that pedestal and put God back on. He is the only one that won't fall off.

He is the only man that's never let me down. He loves and accepts me as I am. He sees me as wonderfully and beautifully made. He always delights in me, and He always wants to spend alone time with me. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows the desires of my heart, and that I sneak icing in the middle of the night when no one is looking! He has chosen me; I did nothing to earn His love. He always forgives.

God is love. And 1 Corinthians 13 says:


Love is patient and kind.
Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.
Love does not demand its own way.
Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.
It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Now, to me, all that God is sure sounds like what I want in a soul mate. So why do we continuously try to replace Him with an earthly man? Yes, I hope someday to be a bride and a wife and a mom, but that husband should not be a replacement for God, but a representation of how Christ feels for the church.

So, to live my single life to the fullest, I need to use this time to fully desire God. Then, later, when it's time, I can have a healthy, Godly marriage on this earth.

3. The last thing He showed me I needed in order to fully live out my single life, is to invest in good girlfriends. I needed to truly focus on building these relationships with Christian sisters. I realized that I had a lot of acquaintances and friends and buddies, but I need a core group of strong women. A council of women, if you will. Women to encourage and keep me accountable, to laugh and to cry, and to support and pray for me.

How awesome that I have this time in my life to have all of these things! So I decided to focus on these things for a month. Being type A, I had to give myself a bit of a time line; we don't work well with arbitrary deadlines. As I started my journey, I knew that God would bless this month, but I never imagined how great the reward could be.

As always, God doesn't give us a task or a journey without providing means to accomplish the task or to make it to our destination.

Fulfilling my first obligation was easy. I have been able to dive into student ministry and getting to know some of the most inspiring high school girls on the planet. I'm also able to serve and minister at the drop of a hat! I have no one to consult with and no baby sitter to schedule. I'm able to serve the Lord when He calls. What is God calling you to do that you are able to do easier as a single woman?

Through this month of focusing on Him as being all sufficient, my desire for Him has grown. I find myself amazed by His glory. I feel like David in exile where all He had was the Lord.

Psalms 118:6-8
In my distress I prayed to the LORD, and the LORD answered me and rescued me.
The LORD is for me, so I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?
Yes, the LORD is for me; he will help me.

Psalms 119:76-77

Now let your unfailing love comfort me, just as you promised me, your servant.
Surround me with your tender mercies so I may live, for your law is my delight.

There are times when all I desire is to just be with Him in silence. Getting here, for me, took being diligent in reading His word, praying for this revelation, and calling to Him in my times of loneliness.

In reading His word, you get to know Him. In praying, you grow your personal relationship. And in times of loneliness, when all you want is God to take the sadness away, you are forced to call upon Him.

Think about how you get to know someone in this world. You read their Facebook to know their "about me," who their friends are, their mottoes, and what they stand for. That is like reading God's word. You get to know Him and what He's about.

Then, you talk to this friend on the phone. You tell them your problems, your goals, and your desires. You listen to theirs. This is like praying.

And when you are lonely, you call on them to keep you company. I realized this month, that in times that the few times I felt lonely, it was God wanting me to call upon Him. He's always there. He never works late and never needs to watch 24 or UFC. I challenge you. In your times of loneliness, call upon the Lord to wrap His arms around you.

In finding my council of women, God proved to not only be all sufficient, but also my provider. God provided me with a great council that I can laugh and cry with, and that are strong in their faith to help me grow in mine. I can go to them in confidence and know they will speak the truth. The funny thing is, we realized that we were all praying for girlfriends at the same time. How amazing is God that He pulled us together at the same time. Tonight was one of my friend's birthdays, and today I just thanked the Lord for her and these friendships forged that undoubtedly had God's hand in them.

Girlfriends provide a relationship that no man can. We understand each other. We know that occasionally we are going to flip out and have "girl" moments. Girls give advice to each other better as well. We are wired differently than men, and we know how to approach each other. We can council one another because we understand each other's thought processes. And we know that sometimes, you just want to lay around in pajamas, watch a life time movie, and eat E.L. Fudge cookies ... or hummus...hummus is good...

Do you have a council of women (or men if you're a guy) that you can have fun with while encouraging each others' walks with Christ?

I remember at the beginning of this journey being excited to see how I would grow and what God would show me on the other side. Never did i expect such a fulfillment. I'm not sure how long this single-life journey will continue, but I know that I will never once see it as a set back or a failure.

It's an opportunity. I wouldn't trade my girlfriends or my deeper relationship with Christ for any man...even Johnny Depp. I thank God for this time in my life that I wouldn't have if i was married right now.

Now, for some challenges.
For my single ladies, keep walking in obedience and live your single life intently pursuing the KOG.

Married friends: Granted I don't know much about being married, but I challenge you to focus on God being your ultimate romancer. When your husband/wife isn't perfect, know that He never changes.

High school ladies: Start now forging these friendships and knowing God as being all sufficient. Live everyday in obedience to Him. He will provide all you need.

Phl 4:19 And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.